We currently live in a culture with a lot of focus on being bigger, faster, stronger, achieving, succeeding, accomplishing, and generally just getting after more, and more, and more! And we also live in an influencer society, where there’s a lot of value attached to having a platform and having a voice that reaches as many people as possible. But, if left unchecked, both of these can be draining, distracting, and perhaps even detrimental to our lives.
To be clear, I am not against competing or influencing. I have competed a fair amount in my life — I competed to get into a top university, then to get into a good law school, then for jobs, and then within jobs for promotions. I definitely understand and encourage competition to achieve life goals that I describe as “moving the needle” of our lives. I also think it’s healthy to be in competition with ourselves — that is, striving to constantly become better versions of ourselves. But I would urge us all to be a little wary of the mindless competition that we may engage in just because society is constantly feeding us — and we are all subconsciously absorbing — this mantra of doing more and more and more! So, for example, you don’t have to have a bigger house or a fancier car, you don’t have to bench press the most weight at your gym or be at the top of your peloton leader board, you don’t have to clock in the most hours at work or serve the most customers. Generally, those sorts of things don’t really move the needles of our lives. But if you do choose to exert time, energy, and money on such competitive goals, I would just say to do so intentionally and responsibly, with an authentic awareness of why and how they add value to your life. As I have discussed in another post, I find that a good parameter for making decisions about these sorts of “optional” activities is whether it is something that brings you joy.
Needless to say, this pervasive competitiveness has descended on how we raise our kids. And the most glaring example is competitive youth sports. Without a doubt, there are great advantages of competitive youth sports. There’s the obvious dangling golden carrot of college scholarships and admissions. And in addition to healthy physical development, children learn all types of positive traits from sports, such as resilience, focus, teamwork, determination, and responsibility. But with all that said, I do find it baffling that parents don’t generally acknowledge or seem to consider all the downsides of competitive sports — the hours upon hours and entire weekends sucked up by competitive sports (which sometimes are to the disadvantage of siblings and take away from other enriching activities such as family vacations); the exorbitant amount of money spent on coaching, traveling, equipment, and other sports-related expenses; the negative consequences of pressure on children who are not prepared for it; the pressure on the parents who have to manage it all (while sacrificing their own work, leisure, and self-care time); and player burnout and injuries.
To be clear, I am a big supporter of youth sports; I just wish we would all take a step back from the current frenzy over competitive youth sports. My husband and I exposed our children to a variety of recreational sports starting at a young age because of all the advantages discussed above, including physical and character development. But we have never put pressure on our children to play any particular sport, much less play it competitively. We have in fact pulled our sons out of competitive sports situations when we felt like it didn’t quite fit for them, or for our family as a whole. As they have grown older, each of our sons have picked the sports they want to play and also decided how much time and energy they want to invest in each particular sport, including the choice to try out for competitive teams. One of my sons does in fact play competitive soccer, which was a decision entirely driven and made by him, and one that we fully support. And more than anything else, when I look out at him on the soccer field, what I love seeing is a kid filled with joy as he chases and kicks around that ball! My other son crushes it in running, including cross country and track, and we will support him in any way he desires if he wishes to pursue that competitively. My point is, I’m certainly not against competitive youth sports; but I do think it’s healthy to take a big picture view and objectively evaluate our kids’ involvement in competitive sports from time to time.
In addition to being competitive, society currently places a high value on being an influencer. That is, with having a platform, sharing your material with the widest audience, and influencing as many people as possible. And just as I wasn’t arguing against competition, I am not arguing against being an influencer either. There’s a lot of advantages to being an influencer. Obviously, influencers actually do have a wealth of beneficial knowledge and information to share on a wide range of topics. And they often want to and can make a deep positive impact on a large number of people. So, more power to that. Also, some people really are cut out to be influencers — they are great at it and you can tell it really makes them tick. And it can be a great source of income too. I am just saying be sparing with which influencers you actually let influence you because there is a lot of “toxic positivity” out there. And by that I mean the influencers who purport to spread positivity but, whether they intend it or not, what they put out actually feels toxic. For example, if their material or messaging just ends up making you feel bad about yourself, or if it is just a projection of their own self-doubt and insecurities. And think twice about whether you yourself want to be an influencer. If you choose or strive to become one, do so intentionally and responsibly, with an authentic awareness of why and how being an influencer adds value to your life.
Clearly, I enjoy expressing and sharing my authentic views and experiences with others. Hence this blog! But I personally am wary of becoming an “influencer” in the traditional sense. First, frankly, I think too highly of myself to share myself with just anyone and everyone. Simply put, everyone does not deserve me. Let’s be honest, there are stupid and toxic people out there; I have very little desire to willingly open the door for those people to comment or have an influence on any aspect of my life. I would not want to arm any of those people to put even the slightest of dents in my high self-worth and self-esteem. Second, I would personally be wary of having a platform that was dependent on or needed to measure others’ likes, follows, subscriptions, etc. because I think it’s very easy to fall into a dangerous pattern of presenting yourself in a manner that is most likely to get you more and more of those likes, follows, or subscriptions. In other words, instead of your followers following you, it may eventually turn into you following them, because you may — consciously or subconsciously — end up putting out more and more of the content that you know your followers will like. In the process you may become less and less of your authentic self and start living your life more and more for your platform. I try to avoid situations that drive me away from my most authentic self and as a result will likely not be a source of joy.
Also, even though influencers may be able to reach hundreds or thousands of people with one single post, I think there’s a lot to be said about meaningful, one-on-one, individual interactions with “real people” in your life. That is, I think it’s just as powerful to make a deep impact on one person in real time as it is to put out a message on social media that virtually reaches hundreds. As a society, we are moving more and more toward living our lives virtually and on social media, rather than in our real-time, daily lives. And for someone like me who absolutely thrives on personal relationships, I would never want to replace or lose the fulfillment of my daily, rich, meaningful, one-on-one interactions with the people around me, who truly know me, love me, understand me, and would show up in a hot minute to help if I ever needed them, and vice versa!
In conclusion, it doesn’t have to be your thing, but if it is, by all means compete and influence away, but just ensure you’re doing so responsibly, intentionally, and in a way that is truly authentic, fulfilling, and nurturing to yourself!
The Feisty FeMOMist 
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