On Honoring Your Inner Child & the “Business of Joy”

The year I turned 40, I spent a considerable amount of time reflecting on myself as a young girl and woman. I felt like a new chapter of my life was unfurling, and I wanted to come to terms with the journey that had led me to my current path. And when I thought of myself as a young girl, the first term that came to mind was “badass.” I grew up on three different continents, went to a boarding school in India for two years at the age of ten, immigrated to the U.S. at the age of 16, attended three different high schools in four years, and ended up getting admission to a pretty prestigious undergraduate college. I think I was many things as a young girl — determined, brave, persistent, a dreamer. But the trait that I admire most about those young years is the natural and organic ability to find joy in all that I did.

And when I think about ways to honor my inner child, I think the truest and most authentic way to connect with her is through what I call “the business of joy.” That is when our inner child sings to us; when we are actively cultivating and immersed in activities and moments that bring us joy. Adulting brings with it many joys — the joys of a healthy marriage, of parenting, of meaningful accomplishments at work, of actually having money to spend on the activities and things that make us happy. But, I would challenge us all to not overlook and also tap into those very same things that brought us joy as a child! I am sure each of us can come up with at least five such activities that can still bring us just as much joy as an adult!

For me, dancing has always been one of those joys. As a teenager, I would unabashedly have solo dance parties in front of a mirror in my bedroom to perfect my dance moves and because it brought me joy. Sparks first flew between me and my husband on a dance floor in college! My friends and I would frequently try to dance away the stresses of law school in a variety of night clubs around Boston! And I have spent hours choreographing and performing Bollywood dances at various cultural events and Indian weddings. So now, when I can, I still honor the inner child in me by milking the joys of dancing — whether it’s at parties and galas, dance lessons on a girls’ trip, or in the living room with my daughter! You may or may not also find me dancing solo in front of our basement gym mirrors in between and after lifting weights! Other activities that sparked joy in me as a child were creative writing, journaling, reading, arts & crafts, and fashion pursuits. I wonder what those activities were for you as a child? Ice skating, basketball, horseback-riding, building model trains, sewing, baking, or painting? I urge you to reconnect with those activities to honor your inner child!

In my case, growing up mostly in India, I didn’t have access to the vast variety of joyful activities that are currently available to my children. But I realized it truly is never too late, and I can still indulge the inner child in me with activities that I did not have the chance to enjoy before! For example, Christmas, Halloween, and Easter, were all holidays and festivals that were not widely celebrated — religiously or culturally — in India. But regardless of my religion, I love the joyful aspects of all these occasions. So I indulge the inner child in me by celebrating Christmas with a family visit to a whimsical Christmas tree farm, decorating our tree and house, visits to Santa, and embracing ugly sweater parties. I take my kids to Easter brunch to visit the bunny and host an egg hunt in my backyard. And Halloween is my favorite! The inner child in me loves to play dress-up, and we often are planning our coordinated family Halloween costumes months in advance!

I also have been picking up hobbies that I never had the chance to do as a child but currently make my inner child and my adult self very happy. Tennis is a great example. I’ve always watched others play tennis and thought it looked like so much fun, so last year, I picked up a tennis racquet for the first time and enrolled in adult beginner classes. And my inner child is thrilled to be running around the tennis courts, getting great exercise and also enjoying tons of laughs with fellow tennis players. I have my eyes on horseback-riding as my next such hobby!

You can also honor your inner child by just saying “yes” to certain things and moments. Like saying yes to wearing matching Mickey ears and imbibing in all the rides with my kids at Disney World! Yes to signing up to play in an adult summer kickball league! Yes to a “splatter party” in Mexico, in which we flung paint at canvases and at each other to the beat of music in the background! Yes to getting all dolled up and signing up for a sweet and goofy photo shoot with all my besties who showed up to celebrate my 40th birthday in Lake Como! Yes to wearing the sparkly and fun gold-sequined flared pants instead of a regular cocktail dress to a disco-themed fundraising gala! I think you get the gist.

Finally, when it comes to our children, I think the best way to teach them “the business of joy” is by actively creating moments and memories for them that are filled with joy! Whether it’s elaborate, themed birthday parties, planning fun-filled trips, or simply hosting their friends for playdates and sleepovers — I am always thinking of ways to create big deposits of joy in my kids’ lives. Hopefully a childhood immersed in joy will fill them up with a ton of warmth that they can draw from if and when things turn a bit cold in their lifetimes.

But I think another important way to teach our children the “business of joy” is by indulging our own inner child! If they can see their parents and adults around them embracing activities with childlike joy, perhaps they too will learn that they never have to give up on that. And hopefully they will understand that, no matter how old they grow, their inner child is always there, tucked away within them, waiting to be released and sing and dance with joy!